Learning to Fall

Wrote this today... its to song lyrics of course...
"when words fail, music speaks!"

MARTINA McBRIDE-"Learning To Fall"
I was alone in the dark
Never let down my guard
Closed the curtain on my heart
So the world could not see
All the demons in me
Told myself I was free
Then you showed me how wrong I could be

[Chorus:]
Now I'm standing on a mountain of rubble
That once was a wall
Took years to build around me
And you came alongAnd you tore it down
Like it was nothing at all
Now it's a little scary
Learning to fall

When you looked in my eyes
Past the fear and false pride
You saw goodness inside
I can't believe how I feel
I believe love is real
And I'm ready to heal
You show me how right I can be

[Chorus]

I was holding on, now I'm letting go
I was holding on, now I'm letting go
I was holding on, now I'm letting go

[Chorus]

For years i've felt alone, in the darkness of clinical depression and anxiety.
Sometimes i still do. Im scared to let my gard down so people can hurt me again, so i hide myself. I go to youth group and bible study but still have a curtain drawn around my heart pretending im free and i have it all together and everything's fine. Im beginning to realise... or pehaps God's started to show me that im wrong.
For me God often used people around me and songs to tear down my walls and leave me standing in the rubble of something that used to be my safe place and my preoection.
Its really scary and unsettling to fall from our safe place but im beginning to trust that God know's whats best...
God knows whats inside of us because he made us. He easily looks past out fear, our anxiety, our false pride, our weaknesses and our sin to see the good in our hearts, to see our character.
God shows us his love, he pours it out throught his word, through our suroundings, throught people and for me through words of songs.
His love is REAL. His love is the base of ALL love, as Pastor John pointed out we HAVE to have God's love in order to love ourselves and each other.
Now that im beginning to connect with God again im ready to heal...
Im still trying to let go of all the negative things i hold onto and let God work but its hard and of course scary as i learn to fall. I know i'll get there eventually, and i know that when i do fall i'll be caught by God's loving arms.